Jerks and Marriage
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On James’ blog, a recurrence of a common theme:
I remember someone commenting on my blog, who is Orthodox, telling me once that it should be the more old fashioned way. Well, whether it should or shouldn’t be it is the old fashioned way for my generation anyway. I say, if a girl calls a guy it’s not the end of the world.
To which Paige predictably responds with the so-called “Orthodox” response:
Girls are very forward in my hometown. …[this] sets the guys up for a rude awakening when (if) they ever leave hometown and realize that elsewhere in the world girls expect guys to ask them out….
I think if you found yourself in a situation like my hometown, you might find yourself in agreement with Dr. Dobson–to an extent.
It’s like that in most places, I find. Except women are only forward with men they find attractive. And not all women, of course; many if not most still prefer the old-fashioned way.
Be that as it may, I can’t for the life of me figure out why some moral conservatives (like myself) get doctrinaire over this point (unlike myself). With one exception: Some women in my experience don’t realize that a jerk is not the person to marry until after they are married to a jerk. This seems to me common sense; after all: he’s a jerk. Yet, I keep seeing women marry jerks because they are or appear to be self-confident. Subsequently, they are or are tempted to be unfaithful with someone who treats them nicely.
But I suppose that would be solved if those guys would just stop being jerks. Or stop existing altogether.
More: Life After 30: Dr. James “Mighty Man” Dobson
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11 Responses to “Jerks and Marriage”
Copyright © 2002–2011 Kevin Robert (Basil) Fritts, all rights reserved.
June 16th, 2006 at 9:26 am
Yes, some women marry jerks. And some men marry beeyotches. Sometimes both!! And both are unfaithful. Mistakes are equal-opportunity here.
And sometimes life happens — someone becomes an alcoholic, develops a crushing mental or physical illness, there is a death of a child, something; and in the partner’s weakness, he or she comes crashing down.
I have more to say, especially on the topic of How to Get a Woman, but I’d rather not say unless invited.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
>>Some women in my experience don’t realize that a jerk is not the person to marry until after they are married to a jerk. This seems to me common sense; after all: he’s a jerk.>>
Too true! And those girls who think he will change after marriage are in for a shock.
On the other hand, I’ve seen girls act “old-fashioned” just to emotionally trap a man, but their morals are anything but “old-fashioned”. It’s not pleasant to watch, expecially when I can’t have a private chat with the man and say, “Umm, Dude: you really REALLY don’t want to marry this girl. Trust me.”
I think that’s what bothers me about the whole Evangelical Courtship scenario: it’s just that– a script. It feels too mach like an act with a script impossible to live up to at best.
June 16th, 2006 at 3:52 pm
I have more to say, especially on the topic of How to Get a Woman, but I’d rather not say unless invited.
You are cordially invited to speak up.
June 17th, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Victoria,
Here here!
June 17th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Basil,
For the life of me I can’t remember who I was talking about when I said, “I remember someone commenting on my blog, who is Orthodox.” Was it you? I honestly can’t remember and I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote that. LOL!
June 17th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
James, probably not me, as I tend to be ambivalent on this issue. Perhaps Paige or Stacy? I’m fairly certain it would be a woman, in any case.
June 17th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Yes, it was Stacy. I remember now.
June 17th, 2006 at 9:24 pm
Theodora, you are correct to note that the knife cuts both ways, but selfishly men marrying queen B’s doesn’t concern me in the present context except that I can count myself lucky that, since I’m still not married to begin with, necessarily I haven’t made that mistake. The other way round bothers me because I often hear, “I’d like to find a nice, young man,” and I always thought I fit the bill. Of course, now I’m not so young anymore, and perhaps I was never as nice as I wanted to believe? In any case, whatever it is that is sought, I’m apparently not it.
But yes, both sexes make silly life-decisions; that’s just not what I’m whining about at the moment.
June 21st, 2006 at 11:11 pm
I believe that everyone has a little bit of jerk in them. And when you do get married Basil, even with the best of intentions, you too will be a jerk to your wife more often that you would expect or wish for. We are all human after all.
June 22nd, 2006 at 5:03 am
“when you do get married Basil”
From your lips/keys/screen/whatever to God’s ears.
June 28th, 2006 at 5:42 am
[…] Partially in response to my somewhat arrogant and supercilious post “Jerks and Marriage,” Theodora writes her thoughts: “Whispers on Earth: How To Get A Woman.” […]